Every woman should know how to bang out a simple roast chicken, am I right?

It’s a straightforward dish with just a few ingredients. Roasting a bird should be easier than watching TV.

…Actually, it’s not!

This bird took some prep, and it was a bit uncooperative.

I spent a good deal of time rubbing butter, basil and garlic on the skin. Not just over the skin; beneath it too. Then I stuffed the belly with onion and lemon.

I thought I was home-free when, alas, I tucked her into the oven, but no…

The garlic fell off and began burning at the bottom of the roasting pan. Then her breasts started to scorch violently. I had to blanket her in foil for the last 45 minutes of baking.

In the end, she was fantastically tasty and succulent—everything you’d expect from freshly roasted chicken.

Still, I’d buy a precooked $5.99 chicken any day of the week.