Wander Woman

Beef Gross-ket

by on Feb.01, 2011, under Food & Cocktails

This is hands down the most disgusting thing I’ve ever cooked.

I’ve made some pretty boring, blah dishes in my time – as a peewee chef, back when I didn’t know the difference between cream of tartar and tartar sauce – but this hunk of meat takes top prize in the nastyville  category.

I’m posting not to pass on my recipe, but to show off the divine dish I cooked it in.

I repeat: DO NOT make this cow slop.

Here’s the ingredient lineup:

-Beef brisket on sale for $1.99 a pound (Can good meat really be that affordable? Keep reading.)

-A bunch of spices (chili powder, garlic powder, onion powder, sugar, dry mustard, salt, pepper)

-5 potatoes

-A crown of broccoli broken into pieces

The process:

To prepare the meat for its ride in the Duchess, I first gave it a massage, rubbing the spices into the raw meat, and let it sit for a while.

Then I tossed the brisket into my lady to bake for an hour.

Afterward, I threw in some beef broth, broccoli and potatoes.

Because I’m too busy to read recipes in their entirety sometimes, I glossed over the recommended cooking time and, based on my rabid hunger and self-imposed early bedtime, decided that 2 hours was enough cook time.

So I pulled it out of the oven.

The meat was definitely overcooked for my liking while the potatoes were undercooked.

The brisket was fatty, but I can’t say the fat imparted much flavor. The texture of the meat was the worst part – it was like chewing on an ottoman. I think this is why people invest in expensive meat – because it DOES influence whether you want to take another bite.

Looks are deceiving: The meat was uber-tough, even though it looks perfectly succulent in the pic.

Here’s the final product…

Look at those taters! They’re so raw, I could carve a sculpture out of the flesh. And thank Allah for horseradish, which helped mask the dryness of the meat.

Yeah, I treated myself to takeout the next night.

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